I took a walk tonight through town. I have been walking a few days a week over a stretch of town to get some exercise in, to pray, and to gather my thoughts. Tonight, I walked by the place that we had hoped and prayed that we would own. This was going to be the place that we would open a well of opportunity for our community to come together. It was going to be the dream of operating a coffee shop. I had this dream for over a decade. I had the business plans all ready to go, had the opportunity to buy the property, and then our world came crashing down.
It was January of 2017 that the cracks beneath our foundation began to surface in my career. Nearly a decade of serving a world-wide organization, I had prayed that God would open doors for promotion, for an increase, for whatever it would take to grab hold of our dream. I would find myself by the end of that month unemployed and wondering what I would do to provide for my family. The dream that I had slowly drifted away.
Did I miss God?
That was the question that I asked myself during the last year and a half. That was the question that I desired to see answered. After all of this time of believing, I honestly had doubts. Tonight was no different. I walked down that road and by that building with that very question. That answer wasn’t a thundering response nor was it a rebuke from God for asking. A still small piece of me was still seeing what I had seen over all of those years.
Did God Answer?
I did not hear God’s audible voice. I know, often you read these stories and the author tells about an epiphany or a sign from God that this was or was not to be. I did not get that. I believe it can happen. But my experience wasn’t the same. I did have a small sense of peace. It didn’t answer my question. However, it did answer the struggle. It gave me a peace of knowing that God is listening. In James 1:5, the author writes;
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
I find comfort in knowing that I can ask God and without finding fault in me or in my questioning, he answers. The when is not defined. The how is not told, but the Who is. I may not know.